Bye Bye Boyfriend
by prettyedsilence
Summary: Rachel thinks about her destructive tendencies and her relationship with Tobias. Songfic.


A/N: This takes place sometime before the last book. _  
_

_I've been lying,_

_to keep you from this pain_

_Now your crying,_

_and to know that I'm to blame_

_And I'll miss you_

_But its over now_

Rachel walked over to her window and looked out. The sky was drizzling drops of rain that hit her hands with steady thuds and plunks when she stuck out her hand. She sighed. Tomorrow, there would be another battle. And if she survived that, there would be another. Yet another still the next day...

She walked back over to her dresser, not bothering to shut her window. The neatly framed picture on her desk had attracted her attention. Picking it up, she laughed quietly. If she had laughed loudly, someone might have heard. If someone heard, they might have thought to enquire as to what she was doing walking around restlessly at three in the morning.

The picture frame bordered five laughing faces. That day, she, Marco, Cassie, Jake, and a human-morphed Ax had gone to the Cinnabon together. Rachel had found a disposable camera in the bottom of her bag, and Tobias had taken that picture.

_I'm so sorry,_

_that it had to be this way_

_Please don't hate me,_

_but there's nothing you can say_

_To change my mind_

Everyone had been joking around; making fun of Ax's Cinnabon addiction and how Marco had fallen out of his chair somehow. That had been a good day.

On that day, she had almost preferred the company of her friends to the heat of the fight.

_I've got to go away_

Ax's fetish for cinnamon buns had nothing on her love of battle. She lusted for it now. It was sick, and wrong, and she hated herself for it. Cassie cried for the victims she killed and even for the enemies that fell. Rachel just wanted more to die. No, that wasn't right. She wanted to kill them.

_The guy that I fell for_

_He wanted more and more_

Burying her face in her hands, she just sat down where she was, on the floor. She felt tears run down her face and wished that they were some sort of penance.

_Bye Bye Boyfriend_

_It's time that I'd be on my way_

_Bye Bye Boyfriend_

Now there was Tobias. Well, Tobias had been there for a while. Always shy and quiet, but so toughened by his experiences in the wild, not to mention the contact they all had had with the Yeerks.

_It was fun but it couldn't last forever_

_Bye Bye pretty boyfriend,_

_It's time to, It's time to pack it up_

_Baby 'cause its over now_

She loved him. It was undeniable. That wasn't the problem. Her strength was in her ability to put everything behind her except that rage...that feeling of power in a body not her own...when she could hurt, and maim, and kill...All for the good. Almost - she could almost justify it.

_And Baby I'm sorry_

_That it had to be this way_

_Please don't hate me, but there's nothing you can say_

_To Change my mind_

Not quite, though. Wanting to go on a suicidal mission for the opportunity to crack necks was not justified. It couldn't ever be justified. Rachel even understood that the Yeerks weren't evil, and didn't truly deserve death either. Lack of brains was not a problem, although she honestly almost wished that she could be simpler. If she was, perhaps she might be able to explain all these feelings away.

_The guy that I fell for_

_He wanted more and more_

It was so sad. The lust for the kill overcame her lust for her love. Tobias loved her; it was clear to everyone. That was a problem. If she waited any longer to stop what was happening, her death would ruin him. He always did take life too seriously, she thought affectionately.

_Bye Bye Boyfriend_

_It's time that I'd be on my way_

_Bye Bye Boyfriend_

_Lay down what_

So she needed to stop it. She would have to do the hardest thing she could do - except give up her glory in death. And she couldn't do that.

_It was fun but it couldn't last forever_

_Bye Bye pretty boy,_

_It's time to, It's time to pack it up_

_Baby 'cause its over now_

She didn't have the strength.

_I never put the effort in to the things that really counted_

_A word here, and a kiss there_

_Could change the way its turning out_

_Iwork so hard at all the things you never cared about_

_How hands work & fingers moving, Eyes wide Shut_

_And baby I'm lonely_

_Though your right in front of me_

_Well its over now_

Rachel knew that, in the end, she would die. One way or another. Either the Yeerks would finally win, and take her away from this place... Or she would live through the war. And go slowly crazy, not being able to hurt. Tobias deserved more than that.

_The guy that I fell for_

_He wanted more and more_

All Tobias wanted was her heart. She couldn't give that; if she told herself the complete truth, the Yeerks were the ones that really owned her heart, she thought with revulsion.

_Bye Bye Boyfriend_

_It's time that I'd be on my way_

_Bye Bye Boyfriend_

_I used to like the way you said_

_Baby back it up,_

_Lay down what_

Tomorrow she would tell him. Pretty lies about how she wanted to be just friends would spew from her pretty mouth, and his pretty soul would bleed, but it would be hidden inside of his hawk shell. That hawk body was the best protection he'd ever have.

_It was fun but it couldn't last forever_

_Bye Bye pretty boy,_

_It's time to, It's time to pack it up_

_Baby 'cause its over now_

_I'm backin up,_

_Baby cause it's over now_

_Pretty pretty pretty pretty boyfriend,_

_C'mon_

_c'mon_

_c'mon_

_c'mon_

_Baby back it up_

_Lay down what_

_It was fun but it couldnt last forever_

_bye bye pretty boy_

_It's time to, It's time to pack it up_

_Baby 'cause it's over now_

Rachel sat on the floor and felt the last slow, silent tear trickle down past her nose and around her chin. She didn't wonder where she was going, or what it was she'd do now. She knew - she would keep killing. And killing. And killing...


End file.
